Archive for The New

Day 1 – This Sucks

{ February 17, 2009 @ 1:12 pm } · { Life, The New }
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Day 1 and I have already found something in common with myself.  We both think that getting to know ourself better, sucks.

I think we are off to a good start.

Waking up this morning was much like going to sleep last night… oh yeah – because I didn’t sleep.  I am not going to sit here and throw myself a pity party, but darnit – shouldn’t the beginning of a new adventure be preceded by a really good night of sleep?  I guess it was all the excitement and anticipation. Ha. Ha.  Anyway, there is always tonight.

If you could live inside my head today, you would think I was mental.  Going from extreme sadness to teeth gritting “damnit I am going to grow from this” stubbornness all in about 3 minute increments.  Granted (thankfully) most of my day has been consumed with work.  One week until our meeting in Tahiti and there is no shortage of things to do.  In all this growth I do fear for my boss.  I will no doubt be putting in more hours.  Which leads me to another subject…

Why is it that pouring yourself into a love relationship is seen as a weakness and the inability to be alone, but pouring yourself to oh, anything else – work, a hobby, family, etc. is seen as strength and growth.  Can’t I avoid getting to know myself by filling my time with other things?  Or is it that those things that are so innately personal that they can only really be claimed by the individual, thus creating more singularity and self awareness?  I guess if that is true, the well balanced person receives the same kind of benefit from a love relationship.

Well by-golly, I think I just learned something!  Alright, enough growth for the day.  I am going to go spin in my chair and throw pencils at the ceiling.

frustration1

The Start Of The 4th Quarter

{ February 16, 2009 @ 6:11 pm } · { Life, The New }
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As my mom puts it, my blog is like me standing on the street corner, yelling out my life to anyone who will listen.  I know she is right, but for some reason, I can’t force myself to write in a journal.  This is my bulletin board, my scratch pad, and tonight, my journal.

How does one begin to learn who they truly are?  For all the talk I have been talking, I haven’t done much walking in the business of finding myself.  I am scared.  I am 27 years old and have never had to be alone.  I have never had to face the prospect of spending an indefinite number of nights alone.  Most of my friends have their own lives – lives that involve someone else.  And besides, it is ridiculous to think that I could occupy every night of my life, with someone.  (Well, I guess could, but… no.  nope.  not going there) At some point, I just have to do this.  To feel the emptiness that breeds strength and courage.  I have grown to be strong, but have always lacked courage.  

Some of you, in fact every reader I know of, are strong, confident people.  You have been alone and you know how to do it.  I don’t even know where to start learning it.  Is their a class you can take, a book you can read, or a tape you can listen too?  I am sure they are out there, but they would probably leave me in a worse place than I started in.  

I personally blame my parents for this personal ineptitude.  I mean, were it not for them I wouldn’t be a twin and would have learned this lesson early.  And I’M KIDDING!!!  Being a twin is one of the parts about me I like most and it is certainly hard to be alone when your twin is as great as mine.  (My friends are that great too!)  But as I have told people before, I am a natural part of a pair.  It is disconcerting to imagine life as a singleton when all you have known is being a duo.  In any case, I have to learn to do this.  I face the prospects of Beth leaving for Minnesota in less than 2 years and if I haven’t learned to be alone by then, well I might do something crazy like buy a parka and head up north.  (I can hear Beth now – “Oh Katie, it’d be so fun!)

Joking aside, this was my primary goal when I filed for divorce.  I was relying on someone else to provide me happiness and it wasn’t happening.  Neil and I weren’t right for each other, but it is only now that I realize that I was relying on the wrong person in the marriage to provide that happiness.

All this writing and explanation and I still don’t know how to find myself.  So this blog is about to get really wild and crazy.  I am going to be sharing all my wacky attempts at getting to know myself.  Feel free to laugh with me, cry with me, and sometimes turn your head feigning that you don’t know me.  All I ask is that you love me through it.  Because so begins the 4th quarter.  I’m rooting for the home team, how about you?

The More Things Change…

{ January 13, 2009 @ 7:35 pm } · { Blogging, The New }
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We are all familiar with the phrase, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”  I am still sitting here debating on which way to go with this.  I have found that in some ways yes, the more things change, the more they do stay the same.  But the stubborn teenager (and there is still a lot of her) left in me wants to shout, “Damnit! No it doesn’t!”  After a move, job change, and divorce I find that I am still surrounded by glasses in various stages of use scattered through the house, anxiety at work, and deep reflection on who I am and who I want to be.  

But in my new home, I have discovered a level of comfort that makes me yearn to be there, a lot more home cooked meals, and a feeling of satisfaction in knowing that my place is kept together by me.  At work I have encountered situations that challenge me, but will grow me into a kind of professional that I have (un)blissfully avoided for four and a half years.  I am still trying to get used to the fact that I am now divorced.  Tonight Redden and I were talking and we were joking about animal last names.  I giggled as I told him that he was a Bugg.  To which he responded, “But Mommy, your last name is Bugg too.”  This was the first time that I had to tell him that no, I am no longer a Bugg.  That I am now a Garrity.  At that moment I felt like I had let him down.  It took me a little while to realize that I had not let him down.  Maybe in the moment he didn’t understand it, but as he matures into an adult, I believe that he will grow to understand that I did what was right for everyone involved, including him.
So do things change or do they stay the same?  From what I can tell right now, they change and they stay the same.  I am different, but I am not.  I am still Katie Garrity, now just without the Bugg.  I have always been basically the same; and from the perspective of 27 years on this earth, I will probably always be basically the same. 
It just occurred to me that over the past few months I have been inundating you with a whole lot of self reflection.  Thank you for bearing with me.  I promise that the anecdotes will find their way to dominating this blog again.  In the meantime, (try to) enjoy getting to know a deeper part of me.  Love you all. 

It’s Not A Bugg’s Life Anymore

{ January 10, 2009 @ 8:45 am } · { Life, The New, Travel }
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The day I have been waiting for has arrived.  Let me cut to the chase; I am no longer Katie Bugg.  I am once again Katie Garrity.  Over the past few months, as you know, my life has changed a lot.  The decree of my divorce has allowed me to close the door to a period of my life.  It wasn’t a bad period of my life.  I certainly learned a lot and made some irreplaceable memories.  I don’t regret anything in my life, but I am excited about the changes that have occurred in my life.  Three major changes in particular.  Two of them you already know about via this blog.  The other, only some of you know.  Rest assured that details will come, but be patient, it is still early in it’s development. ;)  Okay, I give.  Here is a teaser…  It is a GREAT story.  That’s all you get.  :)
This past week has been consumed with one of my major changes.  I started my new job this week.  It has been busy, exhausting, and completely gratifying.  I am looking forward to challenging myself and growing in ways I can’t imagine.  
With all this change occurring I decided to set another goal for myself.  Last year (and really 2007 as well) it was the marathon.  When Beth and I set that goal in 2007, it seem insurmountable.  After Mom paid for our registration in June, we knew there was no turning back.  Completing the marathon was a defining milestone in my life.  I proved to myself that I could do anything I put my mind to.  So back to 2009.  I have always talked about visiting Ireland.  It is my motherland (hehehe, well for at least 1/8 of me).  In any case, I have always felt a desperate desire to see Ireland.  I have decided that this will be the year that I go (for the first time).  I am going to take the first few months of the year to get my finances in order and save for the trip.  Then in either the summer or the fall I am going to go.  I may be traveling by myself (certainly if any of you would like to go, the invitation is open), but never before has my adult circumstance allowed me to just dive in and do it.  And as the cliche goes, there is no time like the present.

I have a pretty good notion that 2009 is going to be a big year for me.  And if making it that way is in my hands, it will be.  

Pictures Of My New House

{ January 5, 2009 @ 1:56 pm } · { The New }
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Here you are folks; pictures of the new house. Kind of random order but I think you’ll get the gist of it.


Are They Banging At Me?

{ December 31, 2008 @ 3:33 pm } · { Life, The New }
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Some of you are well versed in community living. Whether it be an apartment, duplex, or town-home, you just get it. It has been a while since I have experienced the attached housing situation. From time to time, while listening to music, I will here the random bang bang of… well something. My head cocks like a curious dog, and I wonder if the pounding is directed towards me and my sweet little unit. If it is, is it the Coldplay you don’t like (yes Ari, shut up. I like Coldplay.) or is it just that you are mad because it is so loud that the acoustics distort the sweet chords?

Or, are they just hammering in the support for a special new print? Could it be a Picasso or perhaps the elusive and unique framed poster of tigers? I am so curious about my neighbors. To the point that I want to make the rounds with warm from the oven Pillsbury cookies. Whenever I see a neighbor I make it a point to introduce myself and give the briefest of histories. Usually I receive a funny look and a comment like, “Boy it’s cold out here!” Am I really that intolerable? (Probably not, it’s just them… and I will keep telling myself that.)

My question is this: Can I be a bad neighbor from the side? Is there that much you can hear from a wall? Now don’t get kinky on me; the headboard WILL be kept in check. Aside from that, can you really bug your neighbor? Any words of wisdom oh Apartment Dwellers?

Goodbye 2008

{ December 31, 2008 @ 10:05 am } · { Life, The New }
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Goodbye 2008. You have been quite the year. Filled with laughter and tears, frustration and triumph. You have left your mark on us all in some way or another. For some they are scars, for others beauty marks. No matter what 2008, you have changed us.

I won’t forget your challenges, but will relish in your gifts. New starts, deepened relationships with friends, and self discovery. I won’t forget laughter on summer nights, a marathon run, or the first day of kindergarten for a certain little boy. I will forever remember tears shed over heartache, loss, and uncertainty; and the calm that comes from recovering from the hard times.

2008, you are a friend that although I will miss, I will also be happy to let remain in my past. You are leaving me with doors wide open, a heart full of happiness, and unwavering confidence in myself.

Thank you for all you have been. I can only hope that 2009 will grow me as much as you did.