Archive for Life

Day 1 – This Sucks

{ February 17, 2009 @ 1:12 pm } · { Life, The New }
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Day 1 and I have already found something in common with myself.  We both think that getting to know ourself better, sucks.

I think we are off to a good start.

Waking up this morning was much like going to sleep last night… oh yeah – because I didn’t sleep.  I am not going to sit here and throw myself a pity party, but darnit – shouldn’t the beginning of a new adventure be preceded by a really good night of sleep?  I guess it was all the excitement and anticipation. Ha. Ha.  Anyway, there is always tonight.

If you could live inside my head today, you would think I was mental.  Going from extreme sadness to teeth gritting “damnit I am going to grow from this” stubbornness all in about 3 minute increments.  Granted (thankfully) most of my day has been consumed with work.  One week until our meeting in Tahiti and there is no shortage of things to do.  In all this growth I do fear for my boss.  I will no doubt be putting in more hours.  Which leads me to another subject…

Why is it that pouring yourself into a love relationship is seen as a weakness and the inability to be alone, but pouring yourself to oh, anything else – work, a hobby, family, etc. is seen as strength and growth.  Can’t I avoid getting to know myself by filling my time with other things?  Or is it that those things that are so innately personal that they can only really be claimed by the individual, thus creating more singularity and self awareness?  I guess if that is true, the well balanced person receives the same kind of benefit from a love relationship.

Well by-golly, I think I just learned something!  Alright, enough growth for the day.  I am going to go spin in my chair and throw pencils at the ceiling.

frustration1

The Start Of The 4th Quarter

{ February 16, 2009 @ 6:11 pm } · { Life, The New }
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As my mom puts it, my blog is like me standing on the street corner, yelling out my life to anyone who will listen.  I know she is right, but for some reason, I can’t force myself to write in a journal.  This is my bulletin board, my scratch pad, and tonight, my journal.

How does one begin to learn who they truly are?  For all the talk I have been talking, I haven’t done much walking in the business of finding myself.  I am scared.  I am 27 years old and have never had to be alone.  I have never had to face the prospect of spending an indefinite number of nights alone.  Most of my friends have their own lives – lives that involve someone else.  And besides, it is ridiculous to think that I could occupy every night of my life, with someone.  (Well, I guess could, but… no.  nope.  not going there) At some point, I just have to do this.  To feel the emptiness that breeds strength and courage.  I have grown to be strong, but have always lacked courage.  

Some of you, in fact every reader I know of, are strong, confident people.  You have been alone and you know how to do it.  I don’t even know where to start learning it.  Is their a class you can take, a book you can read, or a tape you can listen too?  I am sure they are out there, but they would probably leave me in a worse place than I started in.  

I personally blame my parents for this personal ineptitude.  I mean, were it not for them I wouldn’t be a twin and would have learned this lesson early.  And I’M KIDDING!!!  Being a twin is one of the parts about me I like most and it is certainly hard to be alone when your twin is as great as mine.  (My friends are that great too!)  But as I have told people before, I am a natural part of a pair.  It is disconcerting to imagine life as a singleton when all you have known is being a duo.  In any case, I have to learn to do this.  I face the prospects of Beth leaving for Minnesota in less than 2 years and if I haven’t learned to be alone by then, well I might do something crazy like buy a parka and head up north.  (I can hear Beth now – “Oh Katie, it’d be so fun!)

Joking aside, this was my primary goal when I filed for divorce.  I was relying on someone else to provide me happiness and it wasn’t happening.  Neil and I weren’t right for each other, but it is only now that I realize that I was relying on the wrong person in the marriage to provide that happiness.

All this writing and explanation and I still don’t know how to find myself.  So this blog is about to get really wild and crazy.  I am going to be sharing all my wacky attempts at getting to know myself.  Feel free to laugh with me, cry with me, and sometimes turn your head feigning that you don’t know me.  All I ask is that you love me through it.  Because so begins the 4th quarter.  I’m rooting for the home team, how about you?

It’s Not A Bugg’s Life Anymore

{ January 10, 2009 @ 8:45 am } · { Life, The New, Travel }
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The day I have been waiting for has arrived.  Let me cut to the chase; I am no longer Katie Bugg.  I am once again Katie Garrity.  Over the past few months, as you know, my life has changed a lot.  The decree of my divorce has allowed me to close the door to a period of my life.  It wasn’t a bad period of my life.  I certainly learned a lot and made some irreplaceable memories.  I don’t regret anything in my life, but I am excited about the changes that have occurred in my life.  Three major changes in particular.  Two of them you already know about via this blog.  The other, only some of you know.  Rest assured that details will come, but be patient, it is still early in it’s development. ;)  Okay, I give.  Here is a teaser…  It is a GREAT story.  That’s all you get.  :)
This past week has been consumed with one of my major changes.  I started my new job this week.  It has been busy, exhausting, and completely gratifying.  I am looking forward to challenging myself and growing in ways I can’t imagine.  
With all this change occurring I decided to set another goal for myself.  Last year (and really 2007 as well) it was the marathon.  When Beth and I set that goal in 2007, it seem insurmountable.  After Mom paid for our registration in June, we knew there was no turning back.  Completing the marathon was a defining milestone in my life.  I proved to myself that I could do anything I put my mind to.  So back to 2009.  I have always talked about visiting Ireland.  It is my motherland (hehehe, well for at least 1/8 of me).  In any case, I have always felt a desperate desire to see Ireland.  I have decided that this will be the year that I go (for the first time).  I am going to take the first few months of the year to get my finances in order and save for the trip.  Then in either the summer or the fall I am going to go.  I may be traveling by myself (certainly if any of you would like to go, the invitation is open), but never before has my adult circumstance allowed me to just dive in and do it.  And as the cliche goes, there is no time like the present.

I have a pretty good notion that 2009 is going to be a big year for me.  And if making it that way is in my hands, it will be.  

Are They Banging At Me?

{ December 31, 2008 @ 3:33 pm } · { Life, The New }
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Some of you are well versed in community living. Whether it be an apartment, duplex, or town-home, you just get it. It has been a while since I have experienced the attached housing situation. From time to time, while listening to music, I will here the random bang bang of… well something. My head cocks like a curious dog, and I wonder if the pounding is directed towards me and my sweet little unit. If it is, is it the Coldplay you don’t like (yes Ari, shut up. I like Coldplay.) or is it just that you are mad because it is so loud that the acoustics distort the sweet chords?

Or, are they just hammering in the support for a special new print? Could it be a Picasso or perhaps the elusive and unique framed poster of tigers? I am so curious about my neighbors. To the point that I want to make the rounds with warm from the oven Pillsbury cookies. Whenever I see a neighbor I make it a point to introduce myself and give the briefest of histories. Usually I receive a funny look and a comment like, “Boy it’s cold out here!” Am I really that intolerable? (Probably not, it’s just them… and I will keep telling myself that.)

My question is this: Can I be a bad neighbor from the side? Is there that much you can hear from a wall? Now don’t get kinky on me; the headboard WILL be kept in check. Aside from that, can you really bug your neighbor? Any words of wisdom oh Apartment Dwellers?

Goodbye 2008

{ December 31, 2008 @ 10:05 am } · { Life, The New }
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Goodbye 2008. You have been quite the year. Filled with laughter and tears, frustration and triumph. You have left your mark on us all in some way or another. For some they are scars, for others beauty marks. No matter what 2008, you have changed us.

I won’t forget your challenges, but will relish in your gifts. New starts, deepened relationships with friends, and self discovery. I won’t forget laughter on summer nights, a marathon run, or the first day of kindergarten for a certain little boy. I will forever remember tears shed over heartache, loss, and uncertainty; and the calm that comes from recovering from the hard times.

2008, you are a friend that although I will miss, I will also be happy to let remain in my past. You are leaving me with doors wide open, a heart full of happiness, and unwavering confidence in myself.

Thank you for all you have been. I can only hope that 2009 will grow me as much as you did.

Christmas Wish

{ December 18, 2008 @ 2:28 pm } · { Holidays, Life }
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It’s times like these that remind me of one of the major personal benefits in having a blog. I get to rant. It is currently 3:31pm and those of you who are keeping abreast of my home ownership status, know that right now I should be numbing my fingers with all the paperwork signing. Instead I am sitting at the computer, working towards a healthy case of carpal tunnel and the purchase of a new keyboard for Mom and Dad.

At 3:30 yesterday afternoon I received a frantic call from my mortgage broker telling me that we may not be able to close as scheduled. I mildly (who am I kidding, you all know me) COMPLETELY panicked and began shooting off emails and phone calls to try and resolve the problem. As the afternoon wore on, it looked more promising that closing would occur on time.

Today, I left work at noon, 90% sure that I was a few hours away from home ownership. At about 12:40pm, 20 minutes before I was scheduled to attend the fabulous Gingerbread Party at Redden’s school, I received a phone call from the mortgage broker saying we wouldn’t be able to close today. More hoops to jump through.

So now it is set for tomorrow at 5pm. Pray, light incense or 14 candles, do a closing dance; however you get the cosmic job done, please do it for me. I just need this closure. I am tired of living out of over stuffed drawers and suitcases. I am tired of not having junk food in my cabinets (sorry and props to you Mom and Dad). I am tired of living in transition. I don’t know how people do this for months upon months. Two has been plenty.

There is a pretty little Christmas tree sitting in the living room, waiting on some decorations (probably lots of bows… joking!) and a little boy’s presents to shade. It sits in a room that is part of a house that is my Christmas wish. I hope it comes true.

The Petting Zoo

{ December 16, 2008 @ 9:21 am } · { Holidays, Life, Travel }
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So you tell me, which is more wild: a tent full of tame farm animals or a van packed like a sardine tin with 5 kids who are wired up on pizza and Christmas spirit? Below are exhibits A-Z. I have my own opinion, but I’ll let you be the judge.

New

{ December 11, 2008 @ 9:03 am } · { Holidays, Life, Work }
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It’s that time of year again. The time of year when we say, “It’s that time of year again” and talk about the changes we are going to implement in our lives to make the upcoming year different. Usually we change for a week or a month then slide back into our old patterns. I am certainly guilty of it. So this year, right now, I am humbled by the changes that are occurring in my life that will truly make next year different.

You all know about my townhouse. Not our townhouse, my townhouse. It sounds so foreign to me. I have owned homes, but never on my own. It is thrilling and daunting at the same time. Talking with the inspector, I realized that no longer do I get to let someone else take care of the problems, I will have to do it myself. I can’t imagine the frustration and satisfaction this home is going to bring me, knowing that all of it – the good and the bad – will be completely mine.

Something you may or may not know about is the newest development in my life. Today I accepted an offer for a new job. This position is right up my alley. It will afford me the opportunity to travel, a dream of mine, and it will allow me to use my talents to benefit a project that is in need of them. I am incredibly excited about this opportunity and eager to get started. I will officially start the job on January 6th.

And finally, the biggest change. Neil and my divorce will be eligible to be decreed on December 31. The status that has defined us for the last 5 years will be no longer. We have never been single adults. We did the majority of our maturing into adulthood as parents and a married couple. I believe that we both have some maturing to do as single people. I have no idea what I am going to learn about myself in this process. I learned so much about myself in that marriage, it is hard to fathom what more I will learn. I am ready for it.

Neil and I have settled into a place that will surely lead to friendship once the dust has settled on this divorce. He is an incredible father and a great man. I appreciate the things we did and learned together. I am glad that he is not bitter over me ending it. He may never understand why, but he does understand that it was what I needed to do for me.

So with my current situation saturated in literalism, I am ready to enter the new year. I hope it is a year that I learn things about myself I never knew. I hope it is the year I learn to feel happiness rather than seek it. I hope that this year I touch peoples lives for the better. And finally, I hope that the new year inspires you to pursue the change you seek in your own life.

Happy (Early) New Year.

Man, Oh Man!

{ December 8, 2008 @ 2:44 pm } · { Life, That Ain't Right, Work }
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As usual, I flew into the public women’s restroom at MCC like a whirlwind to change out of my running clothes. I like to get in and out as quickly as possible because by that time, I am cold and hungry. I generally change in the handicap stall as it affords me the most room to fling my limbs about while wrestling with spandex and elastic.

I flung open the door to the bathroom and saw both stall doors open. Nobody in the bathroom, a simple observation. I quickly realized that my observation was wrong as I took the six pounding steps to the over sized stall. My eyes bulged and my jaw drop as a realized that there was a man – standing as men do, to use the toilet. I did a quick about face and pursed my lips as I began to make a beeline for the door to an area where it is appropriate for men and women to mingle together freely. He quickly came out of the stall and said, “No! No! You are in the right bathroom. They just had the men’s locked up.” I couldn’t respond with anything but a deep crimson blush as he hurried out of the bathroom.

Haven’t we all been tempted to use the other gender’s bathroom? Admittedly, this faux pas probably happens to women more than men, due to the anomaly known as the ever-present-line-for-the-women’s-restroom. But that is usually shrugged off with wink and a sweet giggle, for no woman that I know would ever dare cross the threshold to a men’s bathroom that has more than one stall. General rule of thumb, if you can’t lock yourself in alone, you wait in the godforsaken women’s restroom line no matter how much it hurts.

That is what gets me about this situation. Had he closed the stall door, I am sure I probably would have never known that it was a man. And even if I had had my suspicions, I would not have dared to check it out.

Suffice to say that I am slightly more than mildly creeped out. Insert shudder here —> _________

What A Wreck!

{ December 6, 2008 @ 6:38 pm } · { Life, Travel }
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This morning did not seem like a bad morning to drive. It was lightly snowing I even commented, “It’s so pretty!” That is all it looked like. Pretty snow. Of course I knew I would need to be careful, but it didn’t look like it would be much of an issue.

Soon after getting on the road, I realized it was much worse than I thought. I slowed my speed and put lots of distance between my car and others. As I approached a red light I started slowing early. Not early enough. Terror washed over me as I realized that I wasn’t slowing fast enough and panic ensued as I realized that I had no control over my steering. In a last ditch effort to avoid sliding into the car in front of me, I slammed on the emergency break. Nothing. I ice skated my Altima into the rear end of the car in front of me. (Coincidentally, a 2007 Altima as well.)

As I got out in the blustery wind and approached the other car, I looked and noticed no major damage. I had gathered my insurance, registration, and license while in the car and was hoping we could exchange information and move on. It became apparent that that wouldn’t happen when I got to her window and she was talking on the phone saying that her day was ruined. I backed off, looked at the damage and waited for her to get out. When she finally did I noticed that she was pregnant. I apologized, we talked for a moment then got back in our cars. Within minutes we were flanked by ambulances and firetrucks. They opened my doors barking, “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Are you okay?” I looked incredulously at them and said, “It’s a fender bender.”

All of a sudden I saw them rushing a stretcher to this woman’s car. My jaw dropped as I thought, Are you kidding me?? A fireman told me to move my car to a parking lot and that the police would be directed there.

After an hour and a half into waiting for an officer I decided to call the Lexington Police Department. The news was not good. There were over 100 accidents reported and they were expecting a three hour delay in response time. I grumbled to myself and anyone who would listen via text message and settled (further) in for the wait.

Three hours in I had reached my breaking point. I called back, explained my situation and the dispatcher had someone over in 5 minutes. Apparently an officer had never been dispatched in the first place.

The officer took one look at her car and said, “And where is the other driver?” To which I explained that she had gone to the hospital, probably because she was pregnant.

“She wanted to get money from the insurance company,” he responded.

He took my information, looked at my car, then told me that he would make sure the report wording stated the severe minor nature of the accident.

Talking to Beth when it was all said and done, we came to the realization that people always try to take us (via our insurance companies) for a ride in collision situations. No one ever says, “Hey, the damage isn’t bad; lets handle this without a report.” or “Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s not worth the hassle.” And lets not talk about when we are the one hit. No, those people don’t have insurance and want to blame their errors on us. That, or they lightly bump us and we say, “Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s not worth the hassle.” Define irony.

Check back later, I’ll post some pictures of the horrible damage I inflicted. ;)

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