Archive for February, 2009

A Seat With A View

{ February 23, 2009 @ 1:34 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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So as you all know (or I assume you know), tomorrow at noon EST I am heading to French Polynesia.  I am so excited I want to throw up.  hehehe  Okay, its just an expression – the vomiting will probably ensue upon takeoff…

I just reconfirmed my flight and to my extreme pleasure, discovered that I get a window seat both going to and returning from Papeete, Tahiti.  What luck!  What do you think the chances are of me sweet talking my way into first class?? 

The only slight bummer is the fact that I will be flying in and out of Papeete during the darkness of the night.  I guess I will just have to make up for it by climbing a nice summit in Moorea and taking pictures from there.  :)  So as you all are familiar with, I like to make goals for myself while on trips.  Here are mine for the FP trip:

1. At least one picture that I can post on my blog that makes you all green with envy.

2. Black pearls.  Tahiti is the black pearl capital of the world and I intend to come home dripping in them.

3. To sink my toes in that rockin’ black sand and possibly find a beautiful shell.

4. To learn 4 words in Tahitian.

5. To try one food that I never have before.

Pray for safe travels, no lost luggage, and beautiful weather for me!  I promise you will get some good blogs while I am away or upon my return.  Love you!

moorea1

Day 3 – What A Bore

{ February 19, 2009 @ 6:51 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Today something happened that hasn’t happened in a while.  I craved time by myself.  Yes, I am blogging right now, but the only reason I am is due to my codependent need to not let you all down by failing to post a Day 3 blog.  I woke up this morning and my first thought was about how I couldn’t wait to get home and catch up on my DVR while getting some work done.  

All day long, I was focused, but thoughts of curling up on the couch with the remote and my laptop kept creeping into my mind.  Just after 4pm, I took it upon myself to beat the traffic, pick up Redden, and get home and into sweats as quickly as possible.

So now, Redden’s homework is complete and I am taking a few minutes off of working on a couple of powerpoint presentations to bring you this utterly boring blog.  ’Cause tonight, that is how I roll – boring.  :)

Day 2 – Change WILL Happen (Even If I Am Resistant)

{ February 18, 2009 @ 5:37 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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tgi-chipsOne of the things people do when they are making changes and working on finding themselves is the physical overhaul.  Mine is nowhere near that drastic, however a few pounds lost does nothing to hurt the way I look and certainly will make me feel better.  Besides, I have the time.  So why not?

Well today I wrestled with my hunger for some hours.  Finally I caved and decided to hit the snack machine.  I scoped out the vendor o’ junk food and decided on a bag of chips.  I fed the machine my dollar and hit the numbers as I felt a swell of guilt and self scolding coming on.  I looked up to see the metal loop spin and quickly realized that my hunger tamer was not vending.  I glared at the machine and came up with a few choice words in my head.  However I couldn’t pout long.  I was quickly found by a coworker who needed my assistance.  

About 45 minutes later, the hunger still raging, I remembered that I had a can of french onion soup in my desk drawer and decided that it would be a much healthier item to satiate my hunger.  I warmed it up and took a big bite.  EWWWWW!!!  It was nasty!  How hard is it to make decent canned soup?  I have had my share of french onion soup from a can that was absolutely fine.  This tasted like someone said, “Now, how can we take this average tasting french onion soup and make it unforgettable?”  They succeeded.  Rest assured that I will never purchase Healthy Selects French Onion Soup again.  (And you shouldn’t either.)

Feeling utterly defeated in my attempts to be healthy, and still incredibly hungry, I again caved.  I grabbed another dollar and rushed to the vending machine before I could change my mind.  I wanted those chips, darnit.  I again fed the machine my money and smirked ruefully as my luscious bag of TGIFriday’s Cheddar and Bacon Potato Skins dropped to the retrieval bin.  I didn’t make it up the three flights of stairs before I had that bag open and was popping one in my mouth.  Mmm… Mmm… I thought.  Mmm… ewww!!!  I nearly choked as the flavor developed in my mouth.  It tasted like the chip had been in that bag for the past 10 years!  Thoroughly aggravated I slam dunked the bag of nastiness into the nearest trash can and stomped back to the office, where I proceeded to grab a coke zero and give my hunger the finger.

It seems that God is on my side and will not give me the option to fail in this, even if His ways are a bit unorthodox.  But now that I think about it; they typically are.

Day 1 – This Sucks

{ February 17, 2009 @ 1:12 pm } · { Life, The New }
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Day 1 and I have already found something in common with myself.  We both think that getting to know ourself better, sucks.

I think we are off to a good start.

Waking up this morning was much like going to sleep last night… oh yeah – because I didn’t sleep.  I am not going to sit here and throw myself a pity party, but darnit – shouldn’t the beginning of a new adventure be preceded by a really good night of sleep?  I guess it was all the excitement and anticipation. Ha. Ha.  Anyway, there is always tonight.

If you could live inside my head today, you would think I was mental.  Going from extreme sadness to teeth gritting “damnit I am going to grow from this” stubbornness all in about 3 minute increments.  Granted (thankfully) most of my day has been consumed with work.  One week until our meeting in Tahiti and there is no shortage of things to do.  In all this growth I do fear for my boss.  I will no doubt be putting in more hours.  Which leads me to another subject…

Why is it that pouring yourself into a love relationship is seen as a weakness and the inability to be alone, but pouring yourself to oh, anything else – work, a hobby, family, etc. is seen as strength and growth.  Can’t I avoid getting to know myself by filling my time with other things?  Or is it that those things that are so innately personal that they can only really be claimed by the individual, thus creating more singularity and self awareness?  I guess if that is true, the well balanced person receives the same kind of benefit from a love relationship.

Well by-golly, I think I just learned something!  Alright, enough growth for the day.  I am going to go spin in my chair and throw pencils at the ceiling.

frustration1

The Start Of The 4th Quarter

{ February 16, 2009 @ 6:11 pm } · { Life, The New }
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As my mom puts it, my blog is like me standing on the street corner, yelling out my life to anyone who will listen.  I know she is right, but for some reason, I can’t force myself to write in a journal.  This is my bulletin board, my scratch pad, and tonight, my journal.

How does one begin to learn who they truly are?  For all the talk I have been talking, I haven’t done much walking in the business of finding myself.  I am scared.  I am 27 years old and have never had to be alone.  I have never had to face the prospect of spending an indefinite number of nights alone.  Most of my friends have their own lives – lives that involve someone else.  And besides, it is ridiculous to think that I could occupy every night of my life, with someone.  (Well, I guess could, but… no.  nope.  not going there) At some point, I just have to do this.  To feel the emptiness that breeds strength and courage.  I have grown to be strong, but have always lacked courage.  

Some of you, in fact every reader I know of, are strong, confident people.  You have been alone and you know how to do it.  I don’t even know where to start learning it.  Is their a class you can take, a book you can read, or a tape you can listen too?  I am sure they are out there, but they would probably leave me in a worse place than I started in.  

I personally blame my parents for this personal ineptitude.  I mean, were it not for them I wouldn’t be a twin and would have learned this lesson early.  And I’M KIDDING!!!  Being a twin is one of the parts about me I like most and it is certainly hard to be alone when your twin is as great as mine.  (My friends are that great too!)  But as I have told people before, I am a natural part of a pair.  It is disconcerting to imagine life as a singleton when all you have known is being a duo.  In any case, I have to learn to do this.  I face the prospects of Beth leaving for Minnesota in less than 2 years and if I haven’t learned to be alone by then, well I might do something crazy like buy a parka and head up north.  (I can hear Beth now – “Oh Katie, it’d be so fun!)

Joking aside, this was my primary goal when I filed for divorce.  I was relying on someone else to provide me happiness and it wasn’t happening.  Neil and I weren’t right for each other, but it is only now that I realize that I was relying on the wrong person in the marriage to provide that happiness.

All this writing and explanation and I still don’t know how to find myself.  So this blog is about to get really wild and crazy.  I am going to be sharing all my wacky attempts at getting to know myself.  Feel free to laugh with me, cry with me, and sometimes turn your head feigning that you don’t know me.  All I ask is that you love me through it.  Because so begins the 4th quarter.  I’m rooting for the home team, how about you?

What the French?

{ February 11, 2009 @ 5:41 pm } · { Travel, Work }
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france-french-flag-thumbThere couldn’t be a better title for this blog, and for those of you who are into Rock of Love Bus you get a special treat with the blog title.  

As you avid blog followers know, I started a new job in January.  In this new position I am working heavily with the French (and those who speak the language).   This has become quite the daily ordeal.  

In starting my job, I refused to buy into the stereotypes.  I told myself, “They really don’t look at Americans with disdain.” and “They aren’t difficult to work with.”  WRONG.  Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.  

Every week we have a conference call with a group of French collaborators.  The call typically starts with them chuckling at someone’s “lousy” attempt at “Bonjour” or some other French expression of greeting.  The call continues with their brush-offs of tasks assigned to them.  I know that ‘work’ is something that the French take seriously, but only in the most casual fashion.  I have learned that this is amplified by the fact that this group resides in a tropical nation. In fact, the only thing I have found that they take seriously is money.  

For the past two weeks, (and a good portion of the month before) I have spent an obscene amount of time chasing payments, inquiring about payments, and explaining payments.  Just today I had to calm a French Polynesian landlord who was threatening to evict an American researcher currently residing in one of his (or his mother’s) apartments. To all this, I would like to say, “What the French?”

I have no illusions that we Americans have our obnoxious quirks, but we are the country who created the 80 hour work week.  We hoard our money as well (and probably better) than any other nation of people.  We get it!  I am thinking more and more that learning a foreign language would greatly reduce the time I spend working while dramatically increasing my wages.

In less than 2 weeks I get to encounter these people first hand.  I can only speculate about the demands they will bring and the duties they will shirk when I am standing in front of them.