Let your eyes adjust to take in every detail of this fabulous faux pas. What I will always wonder is, was this an unintentional gaffe or the product of some sly advert. pervert?
I don’t remember if this motley crew was together, but if a picture is worth a thousand words – this one is priceless.
By the time Tuesday morning arrives, our pants are a little tighter and our resolve to not eat such sumptuous foods is a little stronger. Or for me, so I thought.
I was in a pretty good mood arriving at work on Tuesday morning. I had a nice whole grain English muffin and cup of applesauce to stave off hunger until lunch time. As I motored around my office and made my way towards the coffee pot, my boss appeared in my doorway. She said, “Oh no, who did it?” I looked at her quizzically wondering what she could mean. She continued, “Magee’s.” That is all she had to say.
**Sidebar: For those of you who do not recognize the name, Magee’s, it is a local Confectioner that has been giving tighter jeans and a sugar high that would rival one of an Oompa-Loompa, to a good portion of Lexington for several generations. Suffice to say that it is good stuff. Really good stuff.
Anyway, if you have ever had to battle the presence of goodies in the office, you will sympathize with me here. There is a certain number of times you can walk by a treat before finally caving. And I wish I knew that number so I could keep track of my passes. Whatever the number is, I exceeded it. So for breakfast, my nutritious balanced meal found a home in a desk drawer, and my stomach found a few dozen more grams of sugar and fat than it needed.
I put my diet “game face” on as I threw the crumb-filled napkin away, and determined that I would lighten up what I would eat for the rest of the day so as not to ruin such a good-intention-laden day.
The sugary morsels had been brought by a well-meaning birthday Celebrateur. She was simply trying to wish another co-worker a happy birthday. However, she clearly does not suffer from confection affection inflicted damage.
The day progressed and I managed to refrain from sticking my entire head into the box of chocolate iced cake donuts.
This morning felt like a new morning. The birthday had been celebrated, and I still had my nutritious meal waiting for me. Again, the box of dastardly desserts teased the rumble in my tummy, but this time I employed one of my most sophisticated forms of defense – AEC. Otherwise known as Avoid Eye Contact and second only to TEA – Throw Everything Away.
I darted around the sweet treats with my eyes to the floor, the door, and anything else that could distract me. All morning the defense tactic worked like a charm. However, after lunch something changed. My eyes were drawn to the table of ill-repute and what did I find? A birthday cake.
Quickly my mind started tabulating who could possibly be celebrating a birthday when I realized that She Whose Birthday Was Being Celebrated The Previous Day was there. My recollections of Tuesday’s conversations made me note that she wasn’t supposed to be there – she was supposed to be taking the day off. Then I looked again. The cake holder was hers!
Who bakes their own Birthday Cake??
I mean really!
She was only at the office long enough to plant the field-mine of ingratiation.
Ladies (and those of you gentlemen watching your waistlines) BEWARE! The enemy lurks everywhere.
On Friday I discovered that I have a growing boy on my hands. Yes, Redden is getting tall; however, he is also growing in other aspects. He is… how do I say this… maturing.
We were driving home from a fun filled day of work (for me) and Kid’s Place field trip (for Redden) when Redden started talking about Deidra’s graduation. For you who don’t know the name, Deidra is one of Redden’s D named cousins. Devon, Delaney, Deidra, and Delia for future reference.
As we approached a bridge near our house, Redden began telling me about one of Deidra’s classmates (and friend). He told me that her name is Sadie. He began, “Momma, Sadie looked so beautiful!”
I said, “Oh, did she?”
He said, “Yeah, she was wearing a beautiful dress.”
I said, “Yeah?”
Then the punch line came. He said, “Her body looked so beautiful!”
At that moment we were crossing the bridge and I nearly wrecked. I had to stop myself from screaming, yelling, and laughing! I knew that it was innocent, but everything in me has been ingrained to view a comment like that as utterly wrong.
How do you address something like that? I think I awkwardly stumbled over that by saying, “Oh, wow…” Yes, I admit, not the best way to handle it. But I didn’t (and frankly, still don’t) know what to say to that!
I know that all of you with kids can and will commiserate. And for those of you that are contemplating or approaching parenthood, look out. 
Good Morning!
I was inspired to start a particular thread this morning. And based on the title of this post, I am sure you can guess it. Without further ado, I give you the first installment of Funny Redden Moments.
I awoke this morning to the sounds of the birds chirping, Cookie snuffling around on his bed, and the sunlight peaking through our blinds. Then I panicked. I realized that I had overslept. Clearly, half a week of early rising and busy days were taking their toll on me. I looked at the clock; it was 6:12am. In order to let Cookie out at lunch and go on my daily twin run I need to be at work by 7am. I knew I didn’t have time to freak out and that getting Redden and myself out the door was going to take a well orchestrated plan of attack. Well that, and a miracle.
After addressing the first items of business (taking Cookie out and getting myself dressed), I stormed into Redden’s room like a bull into a china shop. As I flipped on the lights and opened the closet door with a flourish, my goal was not only speed, but to wake Redden up with a start. I threw together an outfit for Redden and laid it out on the bedroom floor then commanded Redden awake. As he sat swaying back and forth like a drunken hobo, I told him that his clothes were laid out on the floor and that as soon as he was dressed he needed to join me in the bathroom for a quick session of teeth brushing.
As I proceeded to toss my hair into a ponytail and make myself presentable, I noticed that it was taking Redden a long time to put on a t-shirt and jogging pants, so I hurried into his room once more.
I really started to get agitated when I looked at the floor where I had laid his clothes and found that they were all still there. I thought to myself, that darn boy is piddling around when I told him that we needed to hurry. As I put on my mean-mommy face and prepared to give Redden a stern nagging, I turned the corner into the closet. There was Redden, dressed to the nines in a pair of navy blue and red Superman shorts, periwinkle and sage polo shirt, and an upside down army green fleece jacket! I couldn’t help but smile as he looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I can’t find any socks!”
Later, after directing him to the more uniform look and hustling us out the door, we were sitting in the car saying our morning prayers. Apparently the abrupt start to the morning had put him in a very precocious mood, as he usually just wants me to say the prayers. However, this morning he jumped right into them. He gave thanks for the day, the good night of sleep, his hunger and thirst (that is another blog), Cookie, his friends and toys, then said “Amen.” As I started giving thanks, he jumped in saying, “I have something else!” I told him to go ahead.
“Dear God, thank you for all the churches,” he started, “so that we can pray about God and stuff.”
Happy Thursday all! Here’s to the fast approaching long weekend, sweet moments, and best of all – God and stuff.
Well clearly Monday’s griping was terribly disrespectful towards “The Man,” because I neglected to consider the luxurious accommodations they have provided me with. Let me elaborate.
Yesterday, while preparing for a meeting, “The Man” so kindly notified us that there could be a fire somewhere in the building. I would have promptly gathered my possessions and hurried out the door were it not for the fact that “The Man” notifies us on a weekly basis that there could be a fire somewhere in the building. I stepped out of my spacious, sunlit office into the equally cheerful hallway and congregated with my equally “Man” blessed co-workers. While “The Man’s” gentle potential hazard reminders kept sounding, we discovered that “The Man” had bestowed another extravagance on us; a beautiful waterfall! Oh how lucky we all felt as the water spilled first on the floor, then into the deep lagoon of a beautiful blue recycling receptacle.
Oh how “The Man” could have stopped here! But no, he is far to generous for that. Why, he decided that since the waterfall started in the ceiling, and naturally people would be looking there, a few tiles should be flushed away. Then he sent the Angels of the Overhaul to endow us with sparkly new tiles and a giant white noise machine (aka a giant hi-speed fan).
Yes, Monday I was far to critical of the long hours I get to work. I should feel blessed that I get to spend my day bedecked in the frills of my work abode. I will post pictures soon so you can all see my penthouse corner office.
Monday seems like an appropriate day to comment on working. Yes, I know – we are all in the same boat. At best, we only just like our jobs. Anyone who says that they love their job is clearly retired. My problem is not with coworkers or tasks or really anything work related. My problem is that I feel like I am always here. I was sitting here, working out my schedule for the rest of the week when I realized that I have to work late tonight then turn around and be here early for the rest of the week! Ugh.
I know that this feeling is common to everyone who is working for “The Man”. I can see it written on the faces of my coworkers as they walk out. My office is right next to one of the exits and as they leave, each of my colleagues raises their bowed head and whimpers a feeble, “Bye.” I acknowledge that yes, their day could have been so bad that they couldn’t muster a smile but I speculate it is the soul drain that is the long work week. As they slouch out of here I know what is going through their minds, “Oh God, is it still only Monday?”
I can’t possibly complain about the work week if I intentionally omit the fact that there is a silver lining. The dark gray cloud of logging an exhausting number of hours, is lined is a splendor of silver known as the weekend. As the week progresses you can see the hope of the weekend building. By Friday, you see sparkling eyes and wide smiles. Our Monday-melancholy muscle memory has taken brief hiatus and is replaced with hope. Hope for a weekend that feels longer. Hope for a blizzard in May. Hope that one’s company will call and request that you take a month of paid leave because they finally recognize all your hard work.
However, this hope is quickly run off. As Sunday night rolls around, so too does Monday-melancholy. The shoulders again slouch and the head again droops. And so continues the vicious cycle that “The Man” puts us through.
So here is to you my fellow workers. We are all in this one together. Go home, pour a glass of wine or a cup of coffee and revel in the fact that Monday is gone for 6 more days.
The way they peddle their pint sized, sweet faced wares. I am convinced that they will single handedly take over the world by infiltrating your home with their minions of mirth. They capture your heart with a 10 year commitment that you name Rex or T-bone; or in our case, Cookie.
Yes, we thought it would be a grand idea to go check out the puppies and kitties at the one stop, puppy purveying, pet shop. Little did we know that the devious deceivers had already planted an emissary of their maniacal plot for world domination (or at least a healthy monopoly on pet supplies).
As we approached the Humane Society set up, little Cookie and his equally sweet sister, captured our hearts. And in a whirlwind I found myself signing away many precious hours of sleep and even more hours of sanity, for a sugar faced wallet assassin.
So here we are now, at home creating a list of things we need to purchase to properly care for this agent of affection. And where will we be shopping today for all our puppy needs? You guessed it -PetSmart.
Just kidding darling!
I guess before we go to far with this, I should make a few disclaimers.
