It’s funny how life can sometimes present you with a pop quiz. Just yesterday Dad and I were running and our topic of choice was covering a course he is teaching to Med. students. Amongst others, and with the support of a clinical partner, he is teaching students the human side of medical practice. This covers the physical dealing with and emotional support of patients, as well as other things like everyday patient/doctor mini-crises up to full scale ethical dilemmas. The situations he described made me appreciate the fact that I am not a doctor. Patient care is hard enough, but dealing with a substance abusing colleague or under insured patient who needs treatment, makes this particular career path seem like the odds are stacked against it. I felt a bit relieved that my work did not require this particular brand of emotional turmoil.
Fast forward to approximately 12:45pm on Saturday afternoon. I am sitting at home, enjoying the snow and the fact that I don’t have to leave the house if I don’t want to. Bliss.
I am not one who likes watching the email inbox ticker creep up as I attempt to luxuriate in the downtime of the weekend. It is unsettling to know that I have 9… 17… 26 emails waiting on me on Monday morning. Inevitably 15% of those are junk mail and it feels good to rid myself of them and the anxiety their contribution to the count brings. So diligently, twice a day, I go through my email to make sure that no fires are raging, and also to punch the delete button on those pesky inbox fillers.
One work fire (henceforth known as WTF – the T is gratuitous to me so that the acronym can stand for how I really feel) that has been poking the back of my brain incessantly while also turning my gut into a sloshing pit of bile and dread, was fleetingly (and blessedly) packaged like unused Christmas decorations in an unopened box in the back of my mind. As I did the first of my daily email checks, the possibility of this WTF rearing its ugly head was nonexistent. Most of the key players were on holiday. As far as I was concerned, I was golden until 2010.
As usual, I was wrong.
‘Two new emails. Hmmm let me guess… Shutterfly and Barnes and Noble. What? John Doe? (Not his real name) Oh boy. ‘
The first of the two emails from my former collaborator, was what I expected. Mildly abusive, demanding, and containing no shortage of pea-cocking. I gave it my simultaneous mark of acknowledgement and dismissal – a heavy eye-roll; ready to file it away and prepare myself for the next round of passive-aggressive issue/resolution correspondence.
Then I read the next email, also from John Doe. Synchronously, my eyes bulged, jaw dropped, and spit found itself stuck in limbo between my mouth and throat as I struggled not to choke. I read the words three times before I believed they were actually there. Even as they cemented in my mind I continued to concoct a scenario in my head that would have lead those words into my inbox from this particular person. A son perhaps… a disgruntled IT person… No. These words were really written by John Doe.
This email was the one that sealed the deal. With this email I could longer claim to be an impartial party. I had to choose an alliance even if my feelings were mixed. I hit the reply button, then the delete. I read the email again. I picked up the phone and called my work ally and confidante. No answer, so I left a message. Then my conversation with Dad came flooding back. I immediately asked myself, ‘What is the ethical way to handle this situation?’
Was it right to respond? No. My loyalties are to the one who I work for. They have to be, regardless of how I would personally handle the conflict.
Was it right to inform my boss? Harder question. Could be, but not with the words that were used. Better to keep tight lipped and think on the situation for a while.
If it were only about the email it would be a non-issue. I could delete it and forget about it. But this email was simply a justification for the initial email that was sent. The two emails and their combination of words and recipients, promoted me to the front lines of the battle. Instantly, I was placed in a position where protecting myself, my boss, and our project became the three most important tasks; and unfortunately, in my mind, there was no way to assign precedent.
My ally and friend called me back and we lamented the situation. There isn’t a perfectly packaged resolution to this story. I am currently taking the position of ‘watch and wait’. It may not be the right course of action, but it is the one I am most confident in. The one that will cause the least amount of immediate peripheral damage.
Being in this situation certainly makes my brow furrow as I deliver much of my energy and concentration into the philosophy of ethics. Ethics are one of those malleable and circumstantial elements of human life. Faced with these dilemmas, it is clear that there are no absolutes in right or wrong; just levels of it. In my judgement, it seems that the way we choose to proceed in dealing with the predicament has to come from with in us. It has to be determined by our own moral base. At the end of the day, we have to be able to stand behind the decisions that we make.
That being said, I am curious about the ethical dilemmas you all have been involved in. If you feel comfortable, please share the issue and the outcome in the comment area.


Change is a funny thing. (I am not talking about money, but since I brought it up I will go ahead and declare that pennies are useless.) Sometimes change is welcomed and even initiated, other times it is fought stubbornly. And even more ironic, is that welcomed change for one is often stubbornly fought by another. For those of you who know us well, the Kentucky Garrity-clan has recently experienced this kind of change; and uniquely so between the twinkies of the clan. One week ago tomorrow, Beth and Stephen shut the door to their moving truck and also to their residency in Kentucky. Northward to the land of Uff-da’s, don’tcha knows, and 7 month winters – Minnesota. We’ve all known for sometime that this move was imminent – Beth welcoming this new adventure, Katie loathing the distance that was about to be put between her and her 2. Each morning as we set out for our daily run, I would crawl inside myself dreading the descriptions of progress, and the excitement I would have to show, but wouldn’t feel; and each morning, Beth would bound down the sidewalk with new information, ideas, and anticipation building. This carried on for months, slowly rubbing my emotional nerves raw as my ability to be her sounding board increasingly broke apart. The bottom dropped out one week prior to her move. Fighting this change emotionally while knowing that acceptance was mandatory, had turned me into a stubborn, childish, wreck. And apparently Beth’s outward excitement and welcoming of this big change, held its own contingencies. She was struggling to accept certain aspects of it as well. Our raw emotions came spewing out in a fit of yelling, crying and immature behavior. At that moment we both came to the sinking realization that our biggest ally in dealing with this situation, was also our circumstantial foe.
I know it has been a while, but that’s probably a good thing. It means I have a life. hehehe At least Mom will be happy knowing that a good portion of my life is currently happening behind closed doors. And I say to her, “Or on Facebook…”






















